


Beautiful Nightmare

by multifandom_fam



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Violence, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Roller Coaster, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Heist, Hurt/Comfort, I Love You, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Memories, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Kill Me, Possible Character Death, References to Depression, Romance, Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandom_fam/pseuds/multifandom_fam
Summary: After the first heist, Andrés finally realises his mistake and wants Martin back. But, will just an apologie make Martin forget how he abandoned him?How will the first and second heist influence their relationship?How many times do you need to love, to realise that everyone in this world betrays you- one way or another?
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa & Palermo | Martín Berrote, Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote
Comments: 17
Kudos: 129





	1. Palermo, Sicily, Italy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, well that's my first work for this fandom and for my favourite ship. As I said, I'm going down with this ship. I hope you enjoy.  
> Excuse my mistakes, I'm not a native speaker :)

*3 years before Hour Zero*

"Señoras y señiores we made it into international waters"

Everyone started screaming. They were opening champagnes, cheering and laughing loudly- almost like maniacs. Profesor was watching them with a huge grin on his face. They've all worked so hard, they deserved all the happiness in the world.  
Most of them sacrificed parts of themselves in that Mint.

He looked at Helsinki with watery eyes. If only he didn't forget to check upon them earlier that day... Oslo would now be with them, as happy and loud as this man could be. He himself had made a mistake. That cost the life of a colleague. This would be something that he would never forgive himself for.

Then, he navigated his eyes towards Denver. He saw him hugging Monica- or Stockholm- with a huge smile on his face talking with Tokyo and Rio about how proud his father would have been if he could see him raising his own child. Moscow. What a brave and great man. He was dead by a mistake. A mistake mainly Tokyo has made.. Moscow was a father, and this described his whole personality. He always cared about the others- if Denver was okay, if Rio needed something, if Tokyo would come back to the Mint safe. This last thing cost him his life, and Denver his father.

"Profesor, what are you thinking again?" asked Nairobi and hugged him from behind while laughing.

"Nothing" he answered and laughed, turning towards her. "I was thinking what we've been through to finally be here"

Suddenly Nairobi became serious. "Yeah.. Two deaths. Nearly three..." she whispered and looked Sergio in his eyes.

"Yes.." he coughed and leaned on her. Placing his hands on her neck he pulled her closer "Thank you for everything you've done for Berlin in there" he whispered in her ear.

"Profesor. You know that I don't really love Berlin, but I wouldn't want him dead. He is actually a bit charming I could.."

She was interrupted by Sergio's cough, which for sure hadn't appeared due to the cold weather.

"I didn't even say anything!" she protested, putting her hands up in the air.

Profesor laughed and kissed her forehead. "Please go with the others to the restroom. Me and Berlin are going to join you soon"

Nairobi left with a wave of her head and when all the others were walking downstairs, he finally approached Berlin. He was silent all the time, looking at the waves and thinking deeply.

He was almost surprised when Sergio touched his arm.  
"What happened, hermanito?" he asked silently and cleared his throat.

"You'll tell me Andrés. You haven't even said a word from when Nairobi saved you in the Mint since now. What is happening? Why did you do that?" Sergio asked. He seemed pretty tense, and he really cared for his brother.

Andrés smiled shyly and admired the view of the ocean. He took a deep breath and Sergio noticed that his eyes were full of tears.

"Hermano, please..." Sergio whispered and caressed his cheek affectionately.

"You know how bad of a person I can be, right? Well, I.. kind of was to someone I love so.."

"Martin" completed Sergio without second thoughts.

"You just ruined the mood I had to discuss" Andrés said and his face dropped 

"Andrés por favor.. Is this why you tried to kill yourself?" Sergio asked shyly.

After a long time of silence Andrés turned to look him straight in the eyes.  
"Yes. I thought he'd never see me again and it would be better this way. I would be dead, and he would continue his life after everything I did to him"

Sergio laughed sadly and hugged Andrés tightly. Although at first he didn't want any kind of physical contact, at last he hugged him back and started sobbing loudly.

"Hermano, mira me. You are Martin's life. You think he would be able to live without you? You think I would be able to live without you?" he whispered and started crying as well.

He immediately put a smile on and let go of Sergio.  
"What matters hermanito is that I'm here. I'm with you and I'm gonna find him. I'll talk to him, I'll explain why I behaved like that, and I hope he'll forgive me. Then, I guess we will live together, till I die"

"No Andrés, this is very dangerous and I've already told you.."

"What? You, Sergio have actually said to a policewoman where you'll be probably for the rest of your life! And you're talking about dangerous behaviour?" Andrés shouted, visibly pissed off.

Sergio looked at him, with his eyes opened wide "H- How would you know?" 

"I have my own ways to know things. But this is exactly what I'm talking about, I'm going to find Martin" he said, his voice low and commanding.

Sergio closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened them decisively. "This woman is different.."

"POR FAVOR, YOU ONLY KNOW HER FOR LESS THAN A MONTH. LESS THAN A FUCKING MONTH. I KNOW MARTIN FOR MORE THAN TEN YEARS. TEN TORTURING YEARS PRETENDING THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE HIM JUST NOT TO MAKE HIM EVEN SADDER WHEN I DIE..But guess what. I failed at both not making him sad, and dying. And now I'm feeling like a complete failure in life, without having this one person- besides family- who has always been there for me. And if these are my last moments on this planet, believe me the only thing I want to do is to spend them with you and Martin. Mi hermano and my other half. The two most important people in my entire life.  
I know, I messed up with him. I treated him like shit, but I think there's still time I can make up for all this time we lost- is there?" Andrés voice was interrupted by sobs from times to times, but when he asked this last question he couldn't help it anymore and all the tears he had been holding up during his speech started falling off his eyes.

"Cariño..." Sergio said and smiled, taking Andrés' face in his hands. "For you and Martin, there will always be time"

-

After a couple of days, when they have finally made it to a harbour and Profesor made sure they knew everything they should in order to live their lives on their owns, it was time for the goodbyes. It actually hurt.  
Nairobi and Helsinki. Tokyo and Rio. Denver and Monica. Those people were like his second family. How could he just not see them again?

Little did he know that fate was so cruel that he would see them one day, but not all together. And not for a good reason.

-  
*Palermo Sicily, Italy*

"Do I look good? Is the suit too much? How's my hair? Does my cologne smell good?" Andrés was asking rapidly, without even expecting a proper answer.

"You are elegant, simple and a bit... sexy may I add?" Sergio said shyly and coughed before saying the word "sexy".

Andrés laughed softly at him, took a deep breath and finally made the decision and knocked several times on the door. They were waiting for a long time, but noone was answering.

"Where is he? Do you think he's okay? I hope he hasn't done anything stupid, do you think we should ask a neighbour, YES IT'S A GREAT IDEA" Andrés monologued, all at once. He started looking around for other people. When he started shouting in Italian, Sergio would actually prefer to be drowned in the nearby sea.

While Andrés was talking with a man from the nearby balcony, he had a totally puzzling look in his face. He thanked the man, and started walking back, same puzzling look.

"This man told me he moved somewhere else..." he whispered.

"Where could he be at the moment?" wondered Sergio and started the guesses in his head.

Suddenly, Andrés smiled and grabbed Sergio's hand, literally dragging him out of that neighbourhood.

"And I think I know where"


	2. Summertime Sadness

*Palermo Buenos Aires, Argentina*

Sergio stepped out of the car and looked around him. This neighbourhood was much more different than the one in Italy. It had nothing to do with vintage, and totally not for families. This place actually seemed dark.  
Andrés looked suspiciously around him. He remembered this neighbourhood very well.

"Here, this way" he said and grabbed Sergio's hand. 

"Andrés, how do you even know this neighbourhood? And why are you sure that he'll be here?" he asked impatiently while fixing his glasses and stopped walking.

Andrés exhaled loudly and forced him to continue walking. "Long story"

*10 years ago*

"So, how did you like my taste, huh?" Martin laughed softly while they were getting in the car.

"It was the best meal I've ever eaten in another country cariño" said Andrés and started driving.

"cariño" Martin took a deep breath and exhaled slowly trying not to be heard. He looked outside and his eyes wandered to his favourite Argentinian view. God, this man would be the death of him. How long has it been? Only five months, and he was already madly in love. I mean, how could he not be? Andrés was the dreamy guy every woman- and in this case, man- wanted in his life.

But Andrés was straight. And he couldn't imagine ruining their friendship, even if there was one chance Andrés would like him back. Although it was already painful for him, he would try to push his feelings back.

Lost in his own thoughts, he exhaled loudly.

"Cariño, que pasa?" Andrés asked softly and touched his inner thigh. Martin immediately looked at his hand and silently moaned.

"Nada" he whispered and placed his hand on Andrés'. "Nada" he repeated.

"Are you sure?" he whispered and smiled. He laced their fingers together and lovingly moved them up to his mouth. He kissed softly Martin's hand many times. "I want you to trust me with everything Martin. You are my best friend"

'Is that how you treat your best friend' Martin thought.  
"I know Andrés, and I really do, I promise"

"We'll see about that..." said Andrés and continued on his driving, leaving Martin breathless.

Several minutes later, they were at Martin's first ever apartment. He opened the door and left the keys on the kitchen counter. Andrés switched on the lights and moved towards Martin.

"So, the thing about trusting?" he whispered and caressed Martin's cheek.

Martin was left breathless. He brought his hands to Andrés hair and left it there.

"What do you want to know? Tell me" he whispered too.

"You'll tell me. What is going on here?"

"Andrés, you're straight aren't you?" Martin asked and left his other hand on Andrés' waist.

"This doesn't mean that I can't see what's going on here. And that I want to give you a night that you'll never forget Martin" he whispered, and before Martin would even consider breathing, he connected their lips to a soft kiss. Martin couldn't hold back a loud moan that escaped his mouth and he didn't even understand when he was pushed back to the kitchen counter. Andrés was really doing that? Was he dreaming? He couldn't even tell. But what was happening right there, was his dream. So he decided to live it to the fullest.

Martin found himself pressing Andrés even more on him- to feel all of his body on his own. He continued kissing him and let his hands travel all around Andrés' body, like it was the last time he was touching him. He opened his eyes instantly and he saw Andrés lost in the kisses. He still doesn't know how he found the courage to undo their belts, but right when he was ready to start all the nasty stuff he was dreaming about, he understood with the worst way possible that this wasn't a dream.

It was a nightmare. The proof that a moment could ruin everything- or be the start of something new and remarkable.

Andrés immediately pushed him back and backled his belt. He looked at Martin and smiled peacefully, like they were not practically eating each other's faces.

"Martin cariño, that's enough. I think you'll be alright after that, right? Now that you got what you wanted we can be best friends right?"

Martin couldn't believe that. He couldn't believe what Andrés was telling him. The only thing he knew was that Andrés thought that his feelings for him were now gone. As if he wanted him for an one night stand. While Martin right now was feeling even more. God, he wanted to take him right now, right there.

"Yeah, right. You're right Andrés, we'll be fine now" Martin whispered and jumped off the kitchen counter.  
-

"Are you serious Andrés? Do you realise what you did to him? Do you realise that he's broken for over ten years? How do you think he's gonna get over it overnight?" Sergio was really upset. He was trying not to shout, but he was rather whispering- shouting. 

"I never told you that I expect him to be the same immediately. But I'll be there for him for as long as he needs me, and I hope he'll understand" Andrés whispered and he felt a tear on his cheek.

"Okay. I should probably leave you two alone- I can't stand all of this drama that you made. But this doesn't mean I don't want the best for you. Andrés, you're my brother. And Martin is my best friend, the only real best friend I've ever had. And I need you two. I really do"Sergio said softly and smiled. "I'll be back in a couple of hours" he completed and started walking to the heart of Argentina- the spectacular Buenos Aires.

Andrés looked at the door. It had been so many years, all those memories... He almost couldn't bear it.  
"It's okay, you'll make it" he whispered to himself, took a deep breath and knocked on the door twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologise for not posting the second chapter earlier but I really prefer not to push myself when writing. However, I can promise that the next one will be out sooner ;)  
> Thank ya'll for your support, I really appreciate it💖


	3. My love came from pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Facing reality hurts.  
> Especially when it is told by someone who means so much to us.

Andrés was standing there for a couple of minutes. He breathed deeply and by the time he lifted his arm to knock on the door again, the door opened.

Martin was there, right in front of him. He saw his soulmate again after so many years. He seemed tired, with his puffy red eyes looking at him directly in the eyes and a bottle of vodka in one hand. In a couple of second his jaw fell and Martin was left speechless, pain mixed with anger in his eyes. Andrés didn't dare to talk, until the bottle slid on the floor with a loud noise, which brought them back to reality.

"Could I..." Andrés whispered, cleaning his throat with a little cough- which in his mind felt like regaining control. "Could I come in..? Please.." he almost begged Martin.

Martin sighed loudly, shutting his eyes closed and letting the tears escape and travel down to his jaw. Andrés softly lifted his hand and tried to wipe his tears, but Marfin flinched at his touch and finally looked him in the eyes again. "What do you want?"

'To love you properly' "To explain you" Andrés said firmly, pushing back his first thought. "Don't you think I deserve it?"

"Honestly Andrés, I feel you deserve nothing. But, somehow I want to hear your excuses, so come in" Martin said, and opened the door so that Andrés came in his house.

So many memories in this house. Andrés looked at that counter- it was the same. The only thing he wanted to do right now was to press Martin against that same counter and kiss the soul out of him- let him know how much he means to him.

"I just want to... to tell you I'm sorry. I know what I did to you, and I.. I realised that in fact I love you- and not just as a friend. I.. god I just missed you so fucking much. I know that this isn't easy, but I'll be here. I'll be here for as much as you need me, or you dont need me. I'll be here no matter what. To support you. To see what you mean to me" Andrés said in one breath and decided to look away, give Martin his time to handle everything he had just heard before saying more details.

Martin's expressions showed how broken he was, and how much he had lost trust in Andrés. His best friend, his lover, his soulmate. The one person in his life that he truly and unconditionally loved.  
This was his one time of believing in love.  
Definitely not like Andrés' five times, and surely more mature that Andrés' past choices.

"You are unbelievable Andrés. I hate you. I don't even know why I let you come in, you dont deserve any of this. Please, go away. And never, EVER dare reaching me out again." said Martin, with a steady voice while walking to his office.

"Cariño, if you didn't think I deserve to explain you everything, right now I would probably be alone and crying outside of your door begging you for mercy" Andrés smiled and tried to approach him to the desk, but a gun against his chest stopped him.

"Don't you dare saying that word again." Martin shouted, keeping the gun pointed at Andrés. "You ruined me. With that kiss, you made me feel so much more. And you though that my feelings would be over, the only thing you didn't know Andrés is that I'm not one of your hoes. I'm not one of them. I don't want your money. God, I bet that even in that fucking Mint you found a girl you just casually screwed. Am I right?" Andrés couldn't even look at him, so he just stared at the floor, not even capable of standing up for himself. Martin started laughing like a maniac. Just like he imagined. How typical of Andrés. "See? How can I trust you again? You come here, you tell me.. you DARE telling to someone who loves you for more that 10 years, who does anything you tell him for more than 10 years, who is ready to turn the whole world upside down just to make sure you're okay, you DARE telling that one person, who treated you better than any of those women, that you love him. How? How can you even pronounce those three words? What are you, a senseless monster?" he emphasized his last words and burst into tears, keeping the gun in place.

Andrés hurt with every word Martin was saying, but he knew indeed that they were true. Martin was right, he was just too weak to admit it to anyone else at the moment.

Facing reality hurts. Especially when it is told by someone who means so much to us.

-  
"Are you saying that my wife doesn't love me?" Andrés was really angry with Martin at the moment.

"I'm sorry, which one of them?" Martin said ironically and coughed to hide his laughter.

"Martin what is the matter with you? Can't you see that I'm in love with her? Tatiana is the love of my life!" 

"All that I'm saying is that you have said that again. Four times. And that's the fifth. Can't you see the pattern? In two or three months you will come here, totally devastated, crying and mourning about your long-lost love and I will be here to support you, make sure you're okay, that you get hydrated and then when you'll be over it you'll just fuck another random woman and say she's the love of your life." 

"Martin you're talking nonsense at the moment. I'm gonna go for a drink with Tatiana. Till I'm back, I want you to think what you just said"  
-

Martin had thought. Andrés remembered that day pretty well. When he came back, Martin hugged him tight and almost begged him to accept his sorry. He said he was sorry for saying the truth just to be on good terms with him.  
He was the loyal one.  
He was the devoted one.  
He was always there for him, even when it hurt him.  
But Andrés wasn't.

Thinking of that, tears escaped his eyes and he didn't even have the courage to hide them.

"Martin I.. I'm so so sorry, I just love.."

"Don't. You. Say. Another. Word. I will shoot you, Andrés de Fonollosa" Martin said and all of a sudden he started trembling. The cold surface of the gun, which once was steady on Andrés chest, fell down on the floor. Martin's hand instinctively went to his heart, which was beating like crazy, feeling like it was flying.

Andrés started caressing his shoulders "Cariño, what's going on, what do you want me to do?" he asked nervously and he held Martin steadily in his embrace while drugging them both on the floor. He let Martin lay down, with his head on his on his arms, constantly pressing kisses to his jaw and cheeks.

"Martin, talk to me, que pasa?" he whispered.

"I.. I think I'm having.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally inspiration found moi. I'm pretty content with myself about this chapter, and you can officially enjoy our crazy Emotional Roller Coaster.  
> *we love a sassy Martin*  
> Love you for all your support💖


	4. Hearts made of glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't worry. Just wait. One day, there will be someone that will make you feel like nothing and noone else matters. Just him and you, making art in the world"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my Andrés, @mylesowahudson for making this chapter a little better by correcting every stupidity I had in there🤦♀️  
> Thank you cariño, ti amo💖

"What Martin, tell me" Andrés whispered and laced their fingers together.

"A panic attack.." Martin whispered and started panting heavily, his hand always in his heart, not letting go.

"Shhhhh calm down love, everything's gonna be fine. I'm here to stay, I'm not leaving. I love you" he whispered while kissing his forehead many times and squeezing his arm.

Martin's breath started coming back to normal. Although he didn't want to admit it his heart felt much safer when Andrés was around.

"Andrés I.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to threaten you with that gun, I just got out of control.." he whispered and tried getting up, but he immediately felt a soft touch on his shoulder that made him lay more comfortably in Andrés' arms. 

"Don't even think about it" Andrés said, lifting up Martin and carrying him to the bed. "To be honest, if I were you I would have killed myself many years ago" he whispered, kissing his cheek and laying him on the bed, pulling the sheets away. "But I think now you could use some sleep. Try and rest cariño. And we can talk later. Ti amo." he said and caressed his forehead. He got no answer, so he sighed and when he was about to exit the bedroom he heard a weak whisper.

"Could you please stay here? I actually feel safer with you around" Martin whispered, his eyes half-closed and a soft smile on his face.

"Sure" he said and laid on the bed next to him. Martin immediately rested his head on his stomach and smiled while hugging Andrés' waist with both arms.  
Andrés laughed- he had never thought he could be used as a giant pillow.

Absently, he slid his fingers into Martin's hair. He started playing with little locks of his hair, caressing his head and he was surprised to earn some soft moans from Martin. When he brought his fingers to his shoulders, softly massaging them, he felt Martin's embrace tighter and a soft whine escaped his lips.

The effect he had on him was huge. Before he said that he hated him, and now he was whining with just his touch, and he admitted that he felt safe when he was around. Which meant, that from when he left Martin did not feel safe. And the fact that he now finally opened up and trusted him again, showed how much he still loved him. 

All of this could work out, Andrés was now positive. But they really needed to sit down and talk. Tell each other how they feel, how they used to feel, what they had been doing when they were apart, all of it. Even the painful stuff.

"I can really hear some machines working in that beautiful mind of yours" Martin whispered and sat right next to Andrés.

"Are you sure you don't want to rest more? Are you okay?" Andrés softly asked and placed a hand on his cheek.

"With you around I'm always fine" he whispered and leaned into Andrés' touch.

"Martin, I really know this isn't the right time but I need to explain. I need to talk to you"

"This is the best time of all. Just go ahead, don't worry, I'm fine. And I think that whatever you, sir, want to tell me is gonna make me even better"

"Sir?" Andrés asked playfully and smirked. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I know you better than anyone else Andrés de Fonollosa" Martin whispered and smiled.

Andrés sighed and locked eyes with Martin, ready to start talking.  
"You know, I really liked women. Their bodies, their kisses, this beautiful, overwhelming sensation of being inside them. I've been married five times- I know what it feels like to be in a relationship. I made the wrong choices, more than one time. And you were there to support me, but also kind of highlight those mistakes I made. But back then, I couldn't understand. I just thought that you were obsessed with me, that you didn't want me to be happy with women but only with you. Whenever you said you were sorry, I knew deep inside that you were right. You were right mi amor, and I was just being an asshole. And although I was with these women, everytime I saw you, i knew. I knew that this, the thing between us, is different. I knew that you were my favourite person. You were and still are the one I can trust with everything. You are my favourite person in this entire planet. I can do anything to protect you Martin. I dont know if I still like women, I don't know if i like men. I only know that I love you, with every piece of my heart. You were there for me at times when noone else would be. I feel grateful for having you in my life, and I don't want to lose you my sweet engineer" he said and smiled softly looking at Martin, who was carefully listening to everything that he was saying.

"Wow. This, this is too much. You mean, you would want us to be in a relationship?"

"Yes. But if we do, I don't want to rush it. I want everything to happen at its time, if that's okay with you. I know you need sex, it's totally understandable but.."

"Don't even think about it. For you, I can wait for the rest of my life" Martin whispered and laughed softly. "And this isn't the first time I'm telling you that"

-  
"Martin, are you okay? You've been in there for a really long time, is everything fine?" Andrés knocked on the door of the restroom nervously.

Martin cleared his throat with a cough "Yes, I'm okay. I'm coming, don't worry"

"Are you sure? Do you want me to stay?" 

"No, no. Go to Tatiana, she doesn't have to wait.. Poor girl". Only when he heard the door closing he burst into tears once again. So, this was 'Tatiana' Andrés' fifth love of his life. He had to be honest, this one was much more beautiful and elegant than any other. But this didn't make him feel any better about the fact that she got to kiss him, touch him, have sex with him and do whatever she wanted with him. On the other hand, he was just his best friend, and best friends normally don't kiss, right?

At last, he decided to go to their dining table- it wasn't right to make them wait for much longer. He unlocked the door of the cabin he was into, and suddenly while he was still sobbing he heard the door opening. He froze when he saw Andrés looking at him, shocked. He started panting more and more, and eventually his tears escaped his eyes in high pitched sobs. Andrés immediately appeared next to him, holding his shoulders and forcing him to breath with him. When he calmed down a little bit, Andrés decided that it was the right time.

"Martin tell me, what happened?" he asked anxiously.

"You.. You'll be mad if I tell you" Martin said and sighed.

"Wait... is it because I found a girlfriend? Awww Martin are you feeling lonely?" he sadly asked and held him tight in an embrace. "Don't worry. Just wait. One day, there will be someone that will make you feel like nothing and noone else matters. Just him and you, making art in the world" 

"I'll always wait for you" Martin whispered, as the person he thought of while Andrés was speaking, was him of course.

"What?" Andrés asked and looked at him confused.

"I'm saying, Tatiana must wait for us" Martin said and bit his lower lip.  
-

"I don't know how I didn't understand it, really" Andrés said, with embarrassment in his voice.

"No problem cariño. I'm just glad you finally understood it. Even after so much time, better late that never- a greek saying" Martin said and laughed softly.

"Martin. Talk to me. Please. I need to know how you're feeling too"

"You wanna hear all of it? Are you sure you can take it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it🥰


	5. A broken heart it's all that's left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not updating for so long but my lessons and my motivation weren't really helpful :( I hope you like it, and I promise now ill be updating more often <3

"Talk to me.. I wanna know it all" he swallowed hard and held him close.

"I hate that I need you.. I do. I love you, and I.. i hate that i actually need you to live. All those years i literally tried every single method.. I tried to kill myself.. several times. I was always blaming myself and I was one step before losing it all. But I was always afraid that.. that you might come back and.. apologise and.. here you are" he laughed sadly. "When I.. last attempted to.. take my life and I failed I decided something stupid. If you dont want me once, I don't want you twice. If you dont love me, I hate you. And I found a shelter there- creating unpleasant feelings for you, drinking a lot, sometimes cutting myself and.. letting random guys fuck me. I needed to.. to believe that someone else owned me, and made me safer but.. it's been you. It's always been you." he felt more tears running down his cheeks "When I saw you, I.. thought the world has ended. Or that I was so drunk that I committed suicide and I ended up in heaven somehow.. and now.. it feels like a dream, Andrés. It does. Because I love you but.. my heart.. i dont know if i can fix the damage" he whispered and looked at him hesitantly.

Andrés was looking at him silently, his face a mess from the tears as well. "I.. I had no idea I'm so.. so toxic.. I can't.. I'm hurting you.. I could be the reason you'd be dead, Martin" he whispered and looked away.

"Shit.. I shouldn't have.." he rubbed his eyes "No, no it's fine. I'm fine, I'm here, I'm living and I'm fine" he mumbled and took Andrés' face in his hands.

"You are.." he whispered and looked away, standing up and silently pacing up and down the room.

"Broken.. I.. i am" he cleared his throat "I'm perfectly aware of that"

"No you are more.." he was looking down as he was nervously walking.

"More than broken" he let out a fake laugh "Wow"

"You are problematic" he stopped walking and looked him in the eyes.

"W.. what?" he was only able to whisper, feeling himself lost already.

"You said you wanted to feel owned.. and you were hurting yourself. Does a normal person do that? The answer is no, Martin"

"B.. but" he knew he had destroyed everything "I love you"

"No, no Martin. Stop that. We are both toxic for each other" he almost shouted "I'm.. I'm leaving. I dont know when you'll see me again" he whispered and opened the door, closing it loudly behind him.

Martin was staring at the door, feeling just like before. Betrayed, broken and.. problematic basically. He burst into tears, falling in the ground and sobbing loudly, trying to hurt himself every way possible. It was all he had, and all he knew. Familiar situation, actually. All he was missing was.. some company.  
-

"YOU LEFT HIM AGAIN?" Sergio shouted after the eventful meeting "Really?" he sighed and adjusted his glasses.

"Hermano, what should I do? Martin is more than what I just thought.. he isn't broken.. I've told you what he told me.. he's problematic. And.. I can't fix him, not when I am the main reason of him being suicidal" he sighed as well and fixed himself a drink, walking to the balcony of their room to see the beautiful view of Buenos Aires.

"What about your attempt? Have you told him about it?" he whispered and followed him.

"N..no, but it's out of my point. I'm telling you, he needs to fix himself on his own. I can't.. I love him, but I can't fix him.. really i can't" he whispered back, looking down.

"Narcissistic. I just thought you were trying to take care of the drama you created and now you're creating even more" he crossed his hands and rolled his eyes.

"I'm not gonna fight with you for this, hermanito. Let's go sightseeing" he sighed, knowing that his baby was now suffering alone but.. he couldn't be the one fixing him, no. He would only cause him more damage.

And that's how they spent the rest of the day, walking and laughing around the city, spending some quality time together- something they had to do so much time because of the heist.

Late at night, Sergio was reading a book when it hit him and he realised. He immediately woke up Andrés who had already peacefully slept.

"I hope you have a good reason for waking me up like this" he growled, pretty irritated.

"Andrés.. has Martin told you that.. he actually stopped hurting himself? Either way... has he?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all so much for your support💖


End file.
